From HOW TO CONTEND WITH A BOTHERSOME CO-WORKER:

Your Weekly Eye Opener: “Be prepared. The moment the unwelcome coworker enters your office, put on a mouth guard, start wrapping your hands in boxing tape and calmly state, �It�s go time.�

…

Find common interests. Immediately interrupt the coworker�s greeting by asking, �Have you found Jesus?� Then just as quickly answer, �Because I already did. This morning. In my cereal box. And just between you and me, I always thought that He would be taller.� ”

There are plenty more in the link. Go. Read. Chuckle softly into your pillow.

And stop touching yourself, please.