Methods Other Than Song by Which One Can Be Killed Softly:

BY JONATHAN HOLLEY AND EMILY LAWTON

– – – –

Chinchilla attack

Asphyxiation by cupcake

Egyptian tomb booby-trapped with goose down

Smothering by fatties

Poison meringue

Allergic reaction to cashmere

Stuffed animal avalanche

Heart attack induced by 16-year-old girl’s skin”