(Yeah, they’re lyrics to a song. I wrote them. Fuck off, or I’ll make you listen to the version with my vocals.)

Shadows in the sunrise
Angels in the storm
Sorrow without reason
Anger without form

Daylight burns the blind
Passion scars the mind

Driven by forgotten dreams
Blinded by the tears
Scream the silent lullaby
Drown in whispered fears

Daylight burns the blind
Passion scars the mind

Sheltered by a foundless faith
My garden’s path grows wild
Torn rose petals hide the blood
And the body of the child

(Well, bugger me — look what I found…)

A while back, on I-20 between Jackson MS and Birmingham, I saw in my rearview mirror the most amazing sunset just after a fairly brutal rainstorm. I don’t actually remember too much detail — just that I was overwhelmed in the moment of it all. This would have been sometime between 1996 and 1998 — closer to ’96, probably fall. And in the moment, the disease that I’ve dealt with all my adult life suddenly made perfect sense to me; it’s summed up in those first two lines.

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This is one of the very last songs that I wrote. I know that there’s Beautiful Garbage from around 1998 (a total Canon in D rip, with some really great lyrics by Jonas Grey) and King of Shadows from the same time (again, lyrics by Jonas – easily my favorite thing that Jonas and I ever did). But as far as music and words, all by me, After the Flood was it. Oops — not entirely, actually; the music was written by me and Daniel as part of a soundtrack thing we were working on for some nature thing. I still have those original tracks that were eventually spliced together Frankenstein-style to make up After The Flood.

Frames per Second — there’s a memory. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to having my “own” band, which is to say, like the Exhibit(s) are for Eric — mostly by me, but with input from Jonas and Daniel. And yeah, it’s some really uplifting shit — you can check out about half of the catalog at Garageband, which I had forgotten all about — but keep in mind that when I’m in a good mood, I’m not sitting around long enough to write a lyric.

FpS still exists as a moniker for my own stuff, the things I do at home with samplers and loops and the occasional experiemental or solo instrument piece. But for a short two or three year span, it was mine, and though the production is rough and rushed, I think the arrangements and lyrics and playing are all something that I can be proud of. Hell, I can still stomach hearing the songs ten years after they were finished, and while flawed, I think each of them has moments of their own where they absolutely shine.

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This started out as a post to anyone who wonders what being me feels like. I know it’s not much of a help, but it’s there.

And if nothing else, King of Shadows has a great beat. Maybe you can dance to it.