Eliot: Oh, Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?
Cox: No, Barbie, no… it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively *to* clowns.

As much as I love Eliot — and Sarah Chalke, for that matter — it’s lines like this and responses like Cox’s that make me wish for a quicker wit. And more opportunities to use it.

J.D.: You know, when you stop being frightened, time really is on your side. And you can just go on being you.

Sometimes, SCRUBS is funny, sometimes poignant, but always worth watching. There are two moments on the show that are quite possibly the funniest things I’ve ever seen or heard. From season two:

Cox: Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren’t ‘See ya’ then the third word will be ‘Oh my god. My crotch. You’ve punched me in my crotch.’.

And then, there’s the game of Gay Chicken from season three. Best moment ever shown on television.

J.D. It’s the kid inside of us that keeps us all from going crazy.

Sadly, that’s what Michael Jackson thought.

Oh, I know. Too easy. But if I joke, tis that I may not get maudlin.

J.D. Because nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around.

Shit. Too late, eh?

Cox: Relationships don’t work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won’t they? And then they finally do, and they’re happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y’know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it’s couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don’t let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it’s right, and they’re real lucky, one of them will say something.

Holy crappucino! What’s happening to me? I started this as a tribute to the show that makes me chuckle uproariously, no matter how down I might be, and I end up bringing out all the touchy-feely quotes (the ones that go so well with the Colin Hay and Del Amitri songs). I’ll have to fix this, and quickly!

Cox: Oh, my God! I just gagged and vomited at the same time. I gavomited.

Much better.

Cox gets all the best lines. And Jordan — Christa Miller is gorgeous. Sigh…

Cox: By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments.

See what I mean? Best. Lines. Ever.

And the little bits of philosophy tie it all together and bring it home:

Eliot:A person doesn’t have to be perfect to be exactly what you need.