Devin Townsend comes up with some of the best song titles ever. From the first Strapping Young Lad CD, there’s “Cod Metal King,” “Skin Me,” and “Goat”. Oh, and “Filler – Sweet City Jesus,” too. Glorious, glorious mp3 of “SYL” is even free for download…

The name of the album? HEAVY AS A REALLY HEAVY THING. Pure, unadulterated cornball brutality. And Century Media has just rereleased it in expectation of the upcoming sixth SYL disc The New Black, and it’s such a glorious reliving of the mid 90s. Angry, brutal, harsh, and creamy like chilled pudding.

Yes, really. Pudding. Sure, pudding that could kill you with a single punch to the throat, but tasty, tasty pudding. Chocolate, even.

It makes me wish that I could grow a full-face beard (instead of the dust spots that I can cultivate, over time and with much effort [and a Sharpie]). I’ve always wanted to be able to pull off that Miami Vice five o’clock shadow. Granted, I didn’t even hit puberty until the age of 28, and even today I still only shave every three days. So maybe that’s just envy speaking.

The invisible segue, by the way, is that Devin (who is my age) has quite possibly the bestworst look in metal: long, nasty hair with a receding / male pattern baldness hairline. I remember Melissa seeing it and just rolling her eyes — which of course makes it infinitely cooler.

Yeah, I know. It’s not much of a transition. My writing ability has taken the weekend off, starting last March. So this is what we’re stuck with. But at least we can be happy that my writing is enjoying a hard-earned vacation, chilling on the sandy beaches of Aruba, chatting up young women and seducing them with tales of decadence and hedonism barely disguised in a thin veil of overly big words.

And I’ve still got my iPod, so all is well with the world.