WANTED: SWF, 23-30, for low-key romantic relationship. Should identify strongly with Mary Magdalene in order to compliment my Christ complex.

I’ve been having random dreams this week, mostly nonsensical from what I can remember, but there was one about Melissa the other night. The gist of it boiled down to both of us deciding that the divorce had been a mistake, and so we were going to get back together. But then she turned around to leave, and I noticed the black wings that had sprouted from her back. A blazing sphere of chaos materialized over her head, and through the nightmarish unlight, I could see the voices of a thousand tiny children screaming as they were woven into the flesh of virgins. A skeletal cat pounced through the opening and told me stories of hate engines being constructed from fire and bone and the tears of angels, and how these dark machines would burrow into the headmeat of every living being until the trumpet signalling the coming of the Dark Lord sounded across the lands.

And I think we still ended up getting back together.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not to eat Cocoa Pebbles right before bed anymore.