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3:29 PM If I had kids, I would buy them lots of dolls to play with.

3:30 PM They would have so many dolls, they would be the envy of the neighborhood children.

3:33 PM One day, their dolls would rise up and kill us all (probably to the strains of Dokken in the background, to be all ironical and stuff).

* we’re talking Rottin’ With Dokken, y’all.

3:34 PM And then they would have to go live in an Orphanage in Spain. Because that’s what my will would say. The end. Thank you for quietly enjoying my storytime for damaged souls.

3:57 PM For all those who have withdrawn previous unspoken offers of babysitting employment, I can only say one thing.


4:48 PM Now available for long term childcare and kid’s birthday parties.