Dear asshat,

Thanks very much for stealing my bass amp out of my truck last night while I was loading up my gear. Your timing was perfect — who would ever think to steal an amp before the gig? Most people wait until after the show to steal equipment.

I hope you enjoy the rock that my amp will undoubtedly buy you. My best and brightest hope is that my $400 amp only gets you $10 at the local pawn shop.

Actually, my real hope is that you come into the pawn shop to hock the amp while I’m in there looking for you or the amp. That would make me happy.

Oh, and I hope you get hit by a large truck, and survive for many years afterward.

Love,
Kenn