You ever been caught in rapids, but more importantly outside of the boat? That feeling that you imagine your favorite jacket has when the washing machine starts on the churn cycle? Tossed about like a rag doll, unpredictably, painfully, and just hoping you can outlast it, no matter how battered and beaten you get?

Yeah. There you go. Take some normal life complications and then mix in an unhealthy pinch of mental illness (have I mentioned how wonderfully unpredictable that shit is?), and you spend your day playing with an imaginary Rubik’s Cube that randomly changes colors just when you think you’re getting close to solving a side or two.

But then… I remember things like this:

“The strongest steel is forged by the fires of hell. It is pounded and struck repeatedly before it’s plunged back into the molten fire. The fire gives it power and flexibility, and the blows give it strength. Those two thing make the metal pliable and able to withstand every battle it’s called upon to fight.”

And I remember that these life complications are just that — complications. Not unsolvable puzzles, or riddles without answers — just roadblocks. And I remember that it’s easy to give up and quit, but ultimately regrettable. And I remember what I’m fighting for, and how Important that thing is to me.

And I remember that that first song has a second part.

Is this a vague post that I may not understand someday when I read it back? Yup. Intentionally so, because the source of the complications is not the important part, as much as remembering that I know how to push back against my own head, and some hills are worth dying on, much less pushing through the fire and coming out stronger on the other side.